Teaching or lecturing someone otherwise to a greater extent than they are safe and loved just tortures and harms them. Makes them believe it's all their own fault or that it is all being BLAMED on some fault, weakness, incompetence, or neglect/overlooking/uncaring attitude of their own that may or may not even exist, and is definitely not the cause of everything regardless.
That shit is called stirring the pot, kicking people when they are down, adding insult to injury, aggravating a situation, re-traumatizing someone, double punishment, misplaced blame, toxic overcompensation, giving someone a lecture when what they need is a hug, forgetting that loving them will teach them, projecting your own accusations and guilt assumptions and shame feelings onto others, and whatever else others call it that I haven't heard.
Most of the time when I was a small child, I saw all the other kids' mothers comforting them when they cried. My mother would normally scold me when I cried rather than comforting me. Then she wondered why I didn't like, trust, open up to, express outward emotion around, or want to be around her. Other times she sought me out to need her emotionally at times when I just wanted and needed to be left alone to live my life. Her need for me to need her was from her own needs. This was her own trauma, but we don't need to get into that here.
If you can help it, don't trust her way of doing things here. Trust mine... and that means getting the evidence including sometimes the logic in what I wrote... not just taking my word for it.
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