Anger isn't always at a person. Indignation isn't hate. Outrage at a situation isn't hate. Questioning isn't hate unless it's questioning the sentience of someone which means also their right to exist and be free and find their people and be happy. Hating a situation isn't always and doresn't have to involve or include hating anyone involved or anyone at all.
So, things that are NOT hate or hate speech:
Saying no.
Asking why.
Avoiding trouble.
Putting distance where needed and loving or respecting people from a distance.
Feeling or expressing or admitting anger, frustration, irritation, sadness, or any other so-called negative emotion.
Encouraging others to express their anger or be honest about it.
Telling your own story and exposing abuse and others' missteps that harmed and hurt you.
Refusing abuse or belittlement or restrictive actions toward you.
Asking for or even demanding help from those who choose to be in a profession or position where they are mandated or obligated to help you.
Not being able to take reductive or dehumanizing treatment with a smile or respond to it with diplomacy. Responding to it another way instead rather than suffering in silence by not responding at all.
Disagreeing-- including out loud-- with something someone does to someone else or how they treat someone else.
Getting third parties involved or getting involved yourself to prevent or stop abuse, neglect, or any dehumanization of anyone.
So...
Banning or scorning anger is not a loving thing towards anyone, not even towards the person the other person's anger is or seems to be aimed at or towards. What banning anger is is a hateful, reductive, dehumanizing, presuming action towards the person whose anger you are scorning or belittling.
Not expressing it, not feeling safe to admit it, squishing it back down never causes it to magically disappear. It tortures you while it is inside you and you suffer in silence with no support because you aren't allowed to look for any, and that is infinitely bad enough and reason enough not to squash it back inside. But then, because it's torture, you throw it back up anyway... often into a place it doesn't belong. And then they blame you for it rather than blaming the poison you just threw up or the ones that poisoned you in the first place.
Sick, sick society.
Your dehumanizers/bullies/oppressors/aggressors/abusers/controllers are human beings too, yes. But you are not, as someone once said, the "asshole whisperer." They are not your clients, and even if they were, they are not always right. Even if you're their therapist, they're right except when it comes to how they treat you if it's dehumanizing, as in if you never dehumanized them.
Comments
Post a Comment