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To my son

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 As your mother, it is my duty to feel any pain I caused you by action or by omission. 

To understand it. Prove to you that I understand it. 

You and your stepfather, my husband Teddy, are the only ones I would let do this to me without retaliating in any way or telling on you... Give me a black eye if you feel that bad about my neglect of you by walking out, or about my failure to stand up to your father for you. 

In Teddy's case by not understanding him enough at certain specific times, but he'd never give me a black eye at all and that's why I'm with him and trust him... He respects me as a person equal to him. In your case I walked out out of fear of treating you the fucked up way my mother treated me (spiritual/religious, verbal, psychological, emotional abuse). I would rather be an absent parent than an abusive dehumanizing one. I tried but failed to impart this to you and to impart to you the fact that I always knew you always deserved and needed and could have benefited from  better, and that you deserve better from now on and will get better from me and compensation through and from the universe for all you went through.

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