That belongs to you.

No one has any right to order or even ask you to break yourself. For any reason. Or to let anyone else break you. For any reason. In any way. On any level.

Then there's a flipside of this... others accusing you of ordering THEM to break themselves when you never did that by any stretch of the attentive, accurate imagination... and you never would.

One or 2 people think I was asking that of them just by asking them if if if IF they're up to listening to this from me or whatever minor thing (in one case just grabbing one or two of my things from someone else's house the next time they went over there whenever that is-- this friend then went off on me accusing me of something quite different and way bigger, five minutes after we had had a great conversation where it was her that refused to give away my stuff she was holding despite me telling her it was alright), and I had always said that they can say no and it's okay, or back out any time. That assumption is their own trauma and, as a friend of mine told me, the assumption belongs to them. And so I don't need or deserve to be blaming my own ass for it.

Them going from 0 to 300 from something benign just because it reminds them of something else from their past that someone treated them like or did to them doesn't belong to me. Their assumption that I have the same values, and thus intents, and thus inevitable actions, as their past users and abusers... that assumption belongs to them.

Their past trauma isn't their fault. But the blame and shame and scapegoating and guilt for it doesn't belong to me either.