Bipolarland, Texas part 19

 17

I slip Blond Mop Boy a pepper-spray ring when I get him alone. I ask Tiella, Teresa and the older woman, Bethany, to meet me in the restroom, which I make sure is empty, giving them the excuse that I want them to do my hair.

Teresa and Tiella look at me with awe as I whisper my explanation of my plan. Bethany shakes her head. “I'm not going,” she says. “I'm too old for this stuff. I'll stay behind and help make a diversion though.”

“No!” I whisper sharply. “You'll get in so much trouble! They'll think even more that your life isn't worth living because you're an oh-so-sick psychotic and they'll put a DNR order in your file!”

“Okay, I'm coming,” she said. “But I'm very slow; I probably won't get too many staff with the spray.”

Wow. Miracles do exist.

Shaniqua, Ayishah and Chantal said they'll help us. And as me, Elton (the boy with the blond mop) and Bethany stand around in a circle near the desk-and-doors area, pretending to just be chatting, their plan swings into action.

“JUST A SMALL-TOWN GIRL.. LIVIN IN A LONELY WO-ORLD... TOOK THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOING AAAANYYYWHEEEERE.. JUST A CITY BOY... BORN AND RAISED IN SOUTH DETRO-OIT...”

“If you need to sing, lower your voice, please, and do it in your room!” the tech that hung up the phone while I was on it says to them. At least she’s not being rude and just saying “STOP SINGING!” My, she’s changed.

Shaniqua stops, as is the plan, but Chantal continues.

I watch from the corner of my eye as Shaniqua goes into the restroom.

Then a chorus of screams comes out of the restroom.

Tiella runs out of the restroom. “She's getting beat! She's getting beat up! Help! Someone help!”

I can hear Ayishah screaming. She's faking pain and fear, but she's good at it. Shaniqua and Teresa are also screaming in the restroom. Ana Maria Spinoza is screaming too; she was in the restroom too. She must have been let in on this.

“Special teams. Two. Delta. Special teams. Two. Delta.”

Three staff members behind the desk take off for the female restroom. Two guys and the nurse named Natasha. Oh, Natasha, I'm so sorry. I will write you an apology letter. I never wanted you to be pepper-sprayed.

Chantal is still singing at the top of her lungs. It's even louder than the screaming. A male tech goes over to her and is now walking her towards the seclusion rooms. Suddenly, Ayishah, Teresa, Shaniqua and Ana Maria all burst out of the restroom. They're still screaming and hollering “She's getting beat up!” though of course nobody is getting beat up. And now I can hear the screams of Natasha and the yelling from the two male techs. The three of them have just been pepper-sprayed.

Tiella is over here now, as are the others, who form a group Tiella and I can hide behind as she hands me the keys, as I'm closest to the doors.

And then we're out the doors, running down the hall, then I have to find the key for the other set of doors! Finally I find it. The whole unit is yelling and screaming now.

And then the special teams come.

Oh, God.

It's over.

Then I get an inspiration. I'm wearing my business suit; I could be at work. And there are five others with me. No more. Five is the maximum number of patients allowed per staff member escorting them off the unit. I stand up tall, hold up the keys and say, “I'm escorting them off the unit. It's not safe.”

One of the Special Teamers looks at me suspiciously, one nods, and the three of them just run in.

And off we go down the hall: Bethany, Elton, Tiella, Teresa, someone else and me.

I notice that the someone else is Ana Maria. The pregnant illegal-immigrant Spanish girl, Ana Maria Spinoza. So she is in on this too! This is great!

Down the stairs. I can hear the commotion, the yelling and screaming, shrieking and hollering, from inside the stairwell. I bump into a woman going up the stairs and knock her down the stairs. I scream.

“Quiet!” Tiella hisses. “You're staff!”

I realize that I am and stand up straight and proud and arrogant again and remain and look vigilant like a staff member would and escort them out the back doors and over to Geoffrey's truck.

It's a tight fit, with Geoffrey in the driver's seat, me in the front passenger seat, and the other five squashed into the back. Tiella sort of has to lay across Teresa, Bethany and Ana Maria with her head on Ana's pregnant belly. Elton has to kneel on the floor in the middle with his head in Teresa's lap.

“Where to?” Geoff asks as I ask “Where we going?”

“You decide,” I say. “You're smarter than me.”

“Lubbock!” Elton shouts. “I have mentally ill friends there!”

Geoff floors it.